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KrainaGrzybowTV
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Today, we’re- (He is then interrupted by a knock at his bedroom door) Who could that be? (He walks over to his door and opens it. No one is there except for a package. He picks it up and brings it into his room) G-man: Hey, Pinkie? (Pinkie Pie pops out from the side of the screen. Startling the G-man a bit) Pinkie: What’s up? G-man: Did you order something? Pinkie: No. Why? G-man: There’s a package here. Pinkie: Who’s it from? G-man: I don’t know. There’s nothing but a letter on it. (The G-man and Pinkie sit down at the G-man’s desk as he reads the letter aloud) G-man: Dear G-man, I’ve heard of your show and I thought I’d send something over for you to review. Enclosed is something I already taken a look at, but I wanted to hear your opinion on it. But I want to warn you; it’s a little disturbing. Good luck. Signed… (He takes a closer look at the letter) Scare Theater?! Pinkie: Who’s that? G-man: If I remember correctly, he takes a look at strange things on the internet. Monsters, weird videos, you know, stuff like that. Pinkie: Oooh! Cool! Open it! (The G-man unties the string around the package and opens the lid. He pulls out a piece of paper) Pinkie: What’s that? G-man: It looks like URL for a YouTube channel. Pinkie: Well, put it into the browser already! G-man: Alright, let’s see… (Cut to the G-man’s computer. He types in the URL and hits Enter. When the page finishes loading, it reveals a YouTube channel called “KrainaGrzybowTV”. Cut back to the duo looking confused) G-man: What the hell is this? Is this a Polish channel? Pinkie: Well, only one way to find out! (Cut to Google Translate. Pinkie puts the channel name in, and it translates to “Mushroom Country”. Cut back to the duo) G-man: “Mushroom Country”? What kind of channel is this? Pinkie: Well, Scare Theater DID want you to review it, sooooo… G-man: Alright. First, we need to watch every video on this channel before I can actually review it. Pinkie: Oooh! Can I help? G-man: Meh! Why not? Pinkie: Yes! So, where should we start? G-man: Well, let’s start with the first video on this channel… (Cut to the first episode titled: “How to Make an Apple Effectively”) G-man (V.O): This is our main character Agatha. She’s one of five main characters in this series. Pinkie (V.O): The entire channel, including the show, is in Polish. But we’ve added subtitles to make kind of more sense. Agatha’s Subtitles: Welcome to our guide! (Cut) In today’s show you’re going to learn how to effectively (The camera zooms in on Agatha’s mouth as she says her next line in slow motion) apple. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Uh… Okay? (To Pinkie) You taking notes? Pinkie: One second… (She reaches offscreen and pulls out a notepad and a pen) Got it! G-man: Wait how did-? (Cut back to the video. Agatha is pointing to a diagram of an apple, which looks like a schematic for an atomic bomb) Agatha’s Subtitles: Apple consists of upperapple, mushroomland, and paper. G-man (V.O): Well, if there’s paper in my apple, I’m afraid I might have to file a lawsuit. Pinkie (V.O): To who? G-man (V.O): Uh… McDonalds? Anyway, Agatha is now seen carving the core out of an apple, when we see- (Cut to a still frame of Maggie the Squirrel with the word “TEUFEL” under her) Okay, what? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: If my German is correct, “Teufel” translates to “Devil”. So that means that (Cut back to Maggie briefly) this, (Cut back to the duo) is this Devil himself. Pinkie: Oooh! Cool theory! G-man: Well, I try! (Cut back to the video. A Polish poem pops up) Poem’s Subtitles: And beware this land of mushrooms, though the sunny meadow’s tempting. One who enters shall experience nothing but the weep and parting. (Cut to Agatha) Agatha’s Subtitles: …But we will not worry about that! Pinkie (V.O): We then see a silhouette of what appears to be Agatha’s mother in an interview of some sort. Mother’s Subtitles: Kids at school simply told her that she will be taken… At night at midnight, that’s what they told her… And to take a warm sweater along. They say that it’s easy to find Mushroomland, but it’s the return that may prove a bit difficult… (We then cut to the words “Mushroom Land” before we cut to some random imagery, and then back to the interview with Agatha’s mother) Mother’s subtitles: 8 o’clock, Agatha comes to me running, all snotty, in socks: “Mom, mom, come quickly!”. I ask her: “What happened?”, and she says: “There’s a man from Mushroomland!”. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: This sparks another theory that Agatha was either kidnapped or ran away. And there are many clues to support this theory! But we’ll get more detailed into that later. (Cut back to the video) Pinkie (V.O): We see some more weird imagery before we get, um… This. (Cut to a card with the text “The real Agatha is long” above Agatha. Cut back to the duo) G-man: Must resist urge to make obvious Longcat joke… Pinkie: Then I’ll do it! (Cut to a picture of Longcat with Agatha’s head replacing Longcat’s while the Loony Tunes outro plays in the background. Cut back to the video. Maggie the Squirrel appears in a flash of light.) Maggie’s Subtitles: You have to find a mushroomlight inside of you! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: I know I found MY mushroomlight! (Cut to a P.O.V shot of the G-man pointing at a lamp briefly. Cut back to the duo) Pinkie: Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s a lamp. G-man: But it’s shaped like a mushroom! Pinkie: Oh, that makes sense! (Cut back to the video. Agatha and Maggie are laughing) G-man (V.O): After whatever Sam hell this is, the first video ends. Pinkie (V.O): The next two videos are the soundtrack from the video we just reviewed, and the next is the second part of the series. Agatha’s Subtitles: Today you’re going t learn how to make from pa- (She keeps repeating the PA in paper. During the scene it cuts between it and the duo looking confused. Eventually, Agatha resumes her line) Agatha’s Subtitles: Paper. (Suddenly, the screen tints red and a warped version of Agatha is seen. Cut back to the duo with the G-man screaming and falling out of his chair) Pinkie: You okay? G-man: Yeah, I just wanted to hug the ground. Pinkie: With your face? G-man: I’m freaking talented! (Cut back to the video) Agatha’s Subtitles: We’re going to need: (A roll of paper appears) Paper, (A paper box appears) paper, (A disk appears) paper, (A roll of tape appears) paper, (A large water bottle appears) paper, (A cardboard roll appears) paper, (Cut to Agatha) …and a whole let of fun! Maggie’s Subtitles: Don’t forget about fun. Agatha’s Subtitles: I know, jeez, get lost you retard! (Cut back to the duo with the G-man back at his desk) G-man: Big mistake. (Cut back to the video. Maggie is now a realistic puppet reaching for the camera) Maggie’s Subtitles: YOU are a retard! (Cut back to the duo looking scared) Pinkie: Well, I’m gonna have nightmares tonight! G-man: You and me both. (Cut back to the video) G-man (V.O): Anyway, it shows some weird imagery before we witness, uh, this… Maggie’s Subtitles: But I love you anyway. (Maggie kisses Agatha on the cheek. Cut back to the duo cringing briefly before we cut back to the video) Mother’s Subtitles: The phone rings. I answer. Nothing. It went on for days. Eventually, one day I hear a voice: “Turn on the TV, ma’am.”. (Cut) “Because your daughter is on the TV…”. “We’ve been simply separated, like a meat from this provable bone.”. (Cut to Agatha in front of the objects listed from before) Agatha’s Subtitles: Are you ready? Wrong, you don’t need this! (She knocks all of the objects off of the table. Cut to Agatha’s hand writing on a piece of paper) All it takes is a little bit of: (Cut to Agatha with her mouth open while gooseberries appear out of it) Gooseberries. (The word Agatha’s writing turns out to be “Cow”. Cut back to the duo) G-man: Hey, we’re just reviewing it! No need to call us names! (Cut back to the video) G-man: After we see some more weird stuff, we see Agatha as some quote end-quote “Snow Queen”, when suddenly… Agatha: Bubalus-bubalis, a-choo! (Cut back to the duo. Lightning strikes the G-man as he now has a horse mask on. Startling Pinkie) G-man: Wow, thanks a lot, asshole! Pinkie: Does that feel any different? G-man (Shrugging): Not really. But now I have a free horse mask! (He takes the mask off and throws it offscreen. Cut back to the video. Agatha is glowing in a dark void) Agatha’s Subtitles: Our ears, our nasal corners. Everything puffs up and disappears. Puff, puff, puff, puff. (Cut to a cow) A meadow queen, vitamins’ mother, actress, traveler. A good cow. Pinkie (V.O): Good thing we know that now! I mean, think about how gloomy the world would be if we didn’t know what a cow is! Anyway, we see Agatha in a field and her moving her hands in some random manner, we see… (Cut to Maggie running away from Agatha’s mother) Uh… (Cut back to the duo) Pinkie: Next video? G-man: Yeah, next video. (Cut to the next video) G-man (V.O): The third episode only has a trailer that consists of Agatha running through a field before the title "Smile Guide 3" pops up. Pinkie (V.O): Wait, THAT’S the name of the series? G-man (V.O): Uh, yeah? Pinkie (V.O laughing): Does it look like I need a guide on how to smile? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: The next video isn’t a Smile Guide episode, but something called (Cut to the title card for…) Mushroom Melodies. But the full title is… (Cut to the translation of the video’s title) Ballade in the Rhythm of the Rhythm? (Cut to the actual video) But in the video, it’s called “A Ballad in Rhythm Jeans”! (Cut back to the duo) Okay, what were they smoking? Pinkie: Judging by the theme of mushrooms, it’s probably that. (Cut back to the video) G-man (V.O): The final two main characters we haven’t mentioned yet are Karoline and the Jeans Man. Karoline, like Agatha, has paper over her eyes. But unlike Agatha, she has blue, paper lips over her mouth. The Jeans Man is dressed entirely in denim and he always have this creepy, deranged smile. Pinkie (V.O): This sparks another theory that the Jeans Man kidnapped Agatha and maybe Karoline as well, and forced them into joining some sort of cult. And this video serves as the cult’s propaganda. (Cut to part of the video. A lemon flies on and offscreen. Cut back to the duo who are taken aback by this) G-man: What the hell?! Was that a fucking lemon?! (The same clip plays again, only with a zoom sound effect playing as the lemon appears. Cut back to the duo) It was! What the hell was the point of that lemon? Pinkie: I think the Jeans Man wants to have a talk with his agent after the video was filmed! (Cut to a sketch with the G-man in a suit and tie talking on the phone. Acting as the Jeans Man’s agent) G-man: Yes, we put the lemon in. Is there a problem? Cave Johnson (V.O acting as the Jeans Man): I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? G-man: Well, we thought it was entertaining. Cave (V.O): Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! G-man: Sir, if you would just calm down- Cave (V.O): I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! (The G-man hangs up) G-man: I quit… (Cut back to the video) G-man (V.O): On top of that, the song itself is just shit! The music and the lyrics are there, but not the vocals! Who thought this was a good idea? Ugh! Let’s just move on… Pinkie (V.O): Agreed. (Cut to the next video) Smile Guide 4 is titled "How to Your Hair". Where we see… (The camera slowly zooms in to Agatha’s hair where a cartoon starts. A rabbit-like creature buries a box with the word "PARIS" on it. We then cut to Agatha’s mother) Mother’s Subtitles: Police can’t do anything, principal can’t do anything, priest can’t do anything. Everyone just washes their hands underneath. Two months ago, there was a lead in Garwolin, supposedly someone saw her there. So, we took a car with my sister-in-law and went there. It turned out basically, that this city exists only on a map. And she speaks to me: “Mom, don’t worry about me, I’m find in the Mushroomland.” But it wasn’t Agatha. I wouldn’t recognize my own child? (Cut to Agatha) Agatha’s Subtitles: And now it’s time for our fan mail. (The text "SMILE MAIL" pops up. Cut back to the duo) G-man: Isn’t that what you call your mail, Pinkie? Pinkie: Hey, yeah! They stole my phrase! (Cut back to the video. Some cursive text in Polish pops up) Subtitles: Dear Monika, for your 8th deathday we wish all your dreams to come true. Late grandma Józefa with family. (Cut to Agatha reading a letter) Agatha’s Subtitles: Nine years old Kacper from Bytom, sent us his hair. (Cut back to the duo) Pinkie: Hair? Yeah, that’s not creepy! G-man: Hey, for a YouTuber, it’s just normal for them! (Cut back to the video) G-man (V.O): Anyway, we see some more weird imagery and then- (Cut to Agatha opening a letter to reveal a drawing of the Jeans Man) okay, what? Agatha’s Subtitles: Is someone here? (Cut to Agatha lowering the drawing to reveal Karoline) Pinkie (V.O): We see Karoline and the Jeans Man tormenting Agatha and some other weird imagery, and we see… (Cut to Agatha glowing in outer space) Uh… (Cut to Agatha waking up next to a silhouette of Maggie) Agatha’s Subtitles: WHERE AM I? (She looks over to her right to reveal the silhouette of her mother) MOM?! (Agatha’s mother turns around to reveal the Jeans Man’s face. Cut back to the duo) G-man: Geez, that took a dark turn! Pinkie: I know right? Shall we move on? G-man: Let’s shall! Now, the next video isn’t an episode of Smile Guide, but it’s a video titled (Cut to the thumbnail for…) To nie moje. Which translates to “It’s not mine” in, you guessed it! Polish! (Cut to the video. It depicts Agatha looking at some flowers before a voice is heard) Voice’s Subtitles: Whose flowers are these? Agatha’s Subtitles: It’s not mine! (The Polish text “To nie moje!” pops up. Cut back to the duo looking confused) Pinkie: And the point of that was…? (Cut to the next video) G-man (V.O): The next video is titled: "How to make a phone call correctly". It opens with Agatha with her head down on the table in front of her, when… (A hairless version of Agatha rises up from the real Agatha’s back) Hairless Agatha’s Subtitles: Welcome to another episode of our guide. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: You know, I’m not really digging this new version of Caillou… (Cut back to the video) Agatha’s Subtitles: Whoa there, sport! First we’ve got to learn the (The camera zooms in on Agatha’s mouth as she says her next line in slow motion) number. (Suddenly, Agatha appears to be having a seizure while the screen flashes bright colors. After a while, another version of Agatha with lipstick on replaces her) New Agatha’s Subtitles: Welcome, time for Telegame. (Cut to a bit later in the video. The new Agatha is next to a rotary phone while pointing to a picture of four squares. Three of which has a strawberry, a mushroom, and a kiwi respectively) New Agatha’s Subtitles: To reveal the number you have to remove the fruit squares. G-man (V.O): You know, that picture looks awfully familiar… (The picture is then replaced with the Windows logo while the startup sound plays in the background. Cut to later in the video with the original audio) New Agatha’s Subtitles: We have our first caller already, (She picks up the receiver) hello? (The caller turns out to be another Agatha) Other Agatha’s Subtitles: Hello, this is Agatha. New Agatha’s Subtitles: Hello, this is Agatha. Other Agatha’s Subtitles: Hello, this is Agatha. New Agatha’s Subtitles: Hello, this is Agatha. (The new Agatha hangs up. Cut back to the duo) G-man (Sarcastically): Yeah, that wasn’t annoying! (Cut back to the video. The silhouette of an unknown figure appears with text over it translating to "HATSZEPSUT of BYTOM is on the line ". Cut to the new Agatha picking up the receiver) New Agatha’s Subtitles: Hello? (Cut back to the silhouette of Hatszepsut with audio of Pennywise from It dubbing over her) Pennywise (V.O): Do you have Prince Albert in a Can? You do? Well, you better let the poor guy out! (Cut back to the new Agatha) New Agatha’s Subtitles: Unfortunately, the correct answer is "Zbigniew the dog" Pinkie (V.O): Well, that’s just common knowledge! Anyway, after we see more weird imagery, we get, uh… This. (The square with the strawberry on it moves to the blank space below to reveal Maggie) Maggie’s Subtitles: Hello! New Agatha’s Subtitles: Maggie? (Maggie appears on Agatha’s left) Maggie’s Subtitles: I’m taking you on a field trip! (Cut to Maggie’s head appearing out of a nostril from a stock photo of a nose) I’m also up your nose. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Ew! That’s the grossest thing I have ever witnessed! Pinkie: Even more gross than (Cut to…) The task where you have to brush the dinosaur’s teeth from the Mushroom Age? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Okay, second grossest. (Cut back to the video. The normal Agatha and Maggie are walking down a path) Maggie’s Subtitles: Tell me, Agatha, how old are you? (Cut to Agatha partially covering the camera with her hands) Agatha (In low-pitched voice): This many! (Cut back to Agatha and Maggie) Maggie’s Subtitles: We don’t have mush time. She’s coming. Agatha’s Subtitles: Who’s that? Maggie’s Subtitles: Margaret 3000. (Cut to later in the video. Margaret 3000 appears) Margaret’s Subtitles: Emergency, emergency, emergency, emergency! Pinkie (V.O): We see Agatha running through a void, more weird imagery, and even more cows and apples! But then we see… Agatha’s Subtitles: I picked up the phone and I looked a little bit like (The camera zooms in on Agatha as her mouth expands) bwaaaah! (Cut to Maggie) Maggie’s Subtitles: Something’s not right. Run to the last episode! (Cut back to the video) Duo (Singing): Running in the 90’s is a new way I like to be! I'm just running in the 90’s. Come on, baby, run to me! G-man (Talking): We had to! (Cut back to the video) G-man (V.O): We see LOADS of more weird imagery, and we see- (Cut to Agatha’s mother) Okay, what? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: So, are we just going to ignore all of… Whatever the hell THAT was?! Pinkie: I think that’s the theme for these videos. G-man: Yeah, I guess you’re right… (Cut back to the video) Mother’s Subtitles: "The Mushroomland is nice, the Mushroomland is safe, the Mushroomland will always be there.". That’s what they kept telling us. Were we supposed to just not believe it? (Cut to someone exploring some undisclosed location, and then to Agatha in a geometrical world) G-man (V.O): Oh my god, she entered the world of Tron! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: And that’s the end of Smile Guide 5. But you know what the really strange thing is? (Cut to footage from the Apple Escape) They made a game that you can download! (A record scratch is heard as we cut back to the duo) Pinkie: Huh?! G-man: Yeah! The creators of the channel made a game! Pinkie: Should we take a look at it? G-man: Nah. Let’s save that for another day. But let’s move on! (Cut to the next video) G-man (V.O): The next-to-last episode of Smile Guide is titled "How Your Child". And it’s… (Cut to the actual episode. Agatha is stroking the head of a somewhat creepy looking doll) …Special. Agatha’s Subtitles: Welcome to the last episode of Smile Gui… (The doll Agatha’s holding begins crying) Hush! (The crying stops) …Cause "I can’t concentrate". (A laugh track is heard as we cut to a Loony Tunes-like logo with Maggie’s face smiling with the text "Comical!" in cursive below her. Cut back to the duo) G-man (Sarcastically): Yeah, that face won’t give me nightmares! (Cut back to the video) Agatha’s Subtitles: The child, first and foremost needs to behave. (To the doll) Come on, behave! (The text "OF BEHAVIOR"pops up over the doll) Why aren’t you behaving, young lady? You want to be like little Justine? (Cut to a girl resembling Agatha waving her head back and forth with the text "SAVAGE CHILD" flashing over her. Cut back to the duo laughing hysterically) Pinkie: Seriously? Savage child? G-man: Hey, that’s what they called me when I was younger! (Cut back to the video) Agatha’s Subtitles: A long, long time ago in the Valley of Flowers there was a little girl named Justine. Justine was very, very naughty, and didn’t know how to behave. (Cut to the girl from before with her face all twisted) And her face got all twisted! Pinkie (V.O): After we see some more weird imagery, we get (Cut to an animated Maggie in the stile of an old cartoon) this thing. G-man (V.O): You know, I’m not digging the new trailer for Bendy and the Ink Machine… (Cut to Agatha) Agatha’s Subtitles: …The end. So… Will you behave NOW? (Cut to Agatha’s head on the doll) Agatha’s Subtitles: Yes! I mean… Wait a second! I’m supposed to be the mother! (We zoom out to reveal the doll’s head on Agatha’s body) Doll’s Subtitles: BEHAVE! Agatha’s Subtitles: Mom, it must be some kind of misunderstanding! Doll’s Subtitles: STOP BEHAVING! (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Oh god, I think my head is about to explode from the confusion in this video! Pinkie: You’re not alone! (Cut back to the video) Pinkie (V.O): Anyway, after more confusion and weird imagery, we see- (Maggie slaps Agatha) Whoa! G-man (V.O): Did she get slapped by a cartoon squirrel? (He chuckles a bit) Okay. That’s pretty funny! But the following isn’t. (Cut to Agatha all alone in a black void) Agatha’s Subtitles: Maggie? What have I done? Why did I have to behave like that? It’s over… (Cut to white text on a black background reading "THE END" in Polish. Cut back to the duo) Pinkie: But don’t get sad! We see, uh, this… (Cut back to the video. Agatha is now circling a ball of light. Cut to her and Maggie in a dark void looking at another ball of light) Agatha’s Subtitles: What is THAT?! Maggie’s Subtitles: Agatha, you made it! It’s a real Mushroomlight! You can finally open your eyes! Agatha’s Subtitles: Well, all right! G-man (V.O): So, Agatha finally takes off the paper on her eyes, and we see her open those wonderful eyes- (Agatha opens her eyes. It’s just white with no pupils) Holy shit, she was Herobrine all along! I fucking knew it! Pinkie (V.O): We see some more weird imagery, and then we see a pleasant scene; Agatha and Maggie in a field! (Cut to said scene) Agatha’s Subtitles: How good that everything ends. I mean… How everything… That ends good. Maggie’s Subtitles: And what about apples? Agatha’s Subtitles: Hey, that’s my line! (They both laugh, but the laugh slowly turns into crying as we cut to Agatha alone in a white room. Cut back to the G-man all alone) G-man: And that was- (He notices that Pinkie isn’t there) Pinkie? Where’d you go? (Cut to Pinkie hiding in the G-man’s closet. He walks over to her) G-man: Pinkie? What’s wrong? Pinkie: Are you telling me you weren’t terrified from all of that?! G-man (Shrugging): Meh! I’ve seen weirder. Pinkie: Can you call ScareTheater and say that you didn’t like what you saw? G-man: I would, but I don’t know his number. Pinkie: Oh! Then here! (Pinkie tosses the G-man an iPhone with a case the color of her mane. Shrugging, the G-man presses ScareTheater’s contact number. Cut to ScareTheater doing his usual opening lines. During the call, it cuts between him and the G-man) ST: Hey, guys. Welcome to ScareTheater, and today- (He is then interrupted by his phone ringing) Who could that be? (He answers it) Hello? G-man: Hey, is this ScareTheater? ST: Uh, yeah? Who is this? G-man: It’s me, the G-man. I got your package. ST: What package? G-man: Don’t play dumb with me, Scare! You asked me to take a look at KrainaGrzybowTV, and now I swear I’m going to have nightmares for at least a week! ST: Well, I didn’t send you anything! I don’t even know who you are! G-man: Well, if you didn’t send it, then-? (He gasps) Bye! (He hangs up and angrily dials an anonymous number. Cut to the FanFic Critic doing her usual opening lines) FFC: Hello, I’m the FanFic Critic. I read it, you- (Her phone starts ringing) I swear, every time… (She picks it up) Hello? G-man (Through his teeth): I got your package. FFC (Happily): Really? G-man (Normally): Yeah, I hated it! Why would you send me a URL to a channel that was clearly made by someone on crack while disguising yourself as ScareTheater? FFC: Huh? I didn’t send you that! (The G-man opens his mouth to speak again, but he is interrupted by a knock at his door. When he opens it, he finds a DVD case wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. The G-man brings it in and unwraps it to find out that its…) G-man: You got me the Cinema Snob Movie?! FFC: Yep! Think of it as an “I’m sorry” gift. G-man: Wait, if it wasn’t you, and wasn’t ScareTheater, then who was it? (Cut to an overhead shot of the G-man’s room from a hidden camera, and then to Joe Santagato viewing the prior scene from his laptop) Joe: Heh! That’ll teach you to put me through a Barney movie! Category:Episode